


Pranking a Time Lord

by Anne_Elliot



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1282339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne_Elliot/pseuds/Anne_Elliot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose and Ten(II) are back in the original universe. Will they tell the Doctor they're back? Pfft! Why do that when it's so much more fun to mess with him?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted over on Teaspoon.

“Rose! Rose! It's done! You have to wake up!” The Doctor bounced on the balls of his feet like a maniac, grinning from ear-to-ear. He prodded the sleeping form in his bed. Honestly, how could she sleep at a time like this? The Doctor ripped the dark pink duvet from the sleeping lump. She curled her feet into her body and groaned at the loss of warmth.

“Please, Doctor...'m so tired...need sleep,” she mumbled into her pillow.

“But Rose!” he protested. She cracked an eye open and looked at the manic figure bouncing excitedly before her. After pausing to calculate the odds of him allowing her to return to the warmth and comfort of her sleep and finding them to be decidedly out of her favor, she decided it wasn't worth the effort to fight it. She glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. The time wasn't really relevant while they were drifting in the vortex, but she did like to keep track of her sleep schedule. Left up to her Doctor, she'd go a few days before he'd declare it time for bed. She groaned.

“Doctor, I've only been asleep for four hours! Maybe that's enough for a part-Time Lord, but I require a full eight.” Rose did her best impression of a menacing glare. It didn't seem to faze the nine hundred year old child.

“Rose, I fixed it! The transdimensional vortical stabilizer is working! Oh, I'm so brilliant!” Now he was practically jumping up and down. Rose's eyes widened. Her jaw dropped open.

“Really? You really did it? You're not just havin' a go with me?”

“Yep! Really did it. Genius, me!” he exclaimed, popping the “p”. Rose shot out of bed. Before he knew what was happening, she was snogging him like mad. When she finally pulled away, they were both grinning like fools. “Well, come on then! Get dressed and meet me in the console room. Allon-sy!”

The Doctor practically skipped out of the bedroom and made his way back to the console room. He reflected on how far he and Rose had come. Seven years ago, when they were left on Darlig Ulv Stranden, he had no idea how they would ever get this far. Growing their own TARDIS had proved to be challenging even after incorporating Donna's suggestions to accelerate her growth, but Rose's determination had always kept him going when he felt like things were hopeless. He honestly didn't know how he would have managed without her. Rose was always so understanding and patient with him. This was his chance to give something back to her, even if it was a bit belated, he mused.

Rose skipped into the console room. “G'mornin!” She flashed him a bright smile and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Good morning love. Are you ready?” He flashed her a brilliant smile in return.

“Ready as I'll ever be! Where to first? Are we gonna see him?” She asked the last question with a trace of nervousness in her voice. They both had mixed feelings regarding the full Time Lord Doctor who had left them on the beach seven years ago. They were both incredibly grateful to have each other to spend the rest of their lives with, but neither was very happy with how little choice they had been given in how it was done. Rose looked to her Doctor questioningly. He had that mischievous glint in his eye. “Okay,” she smiled, “what are you thinking?”

“Well...we could let him know we're back in his universe. Of course, where would the fun be in that?” The Doctor's impish grin was infectious.

Rose returned his wicked grin. “What did you have in mind?”

“Let's prank the Doctor.”


	2. Of Braces and Bow-Ties

Rose giggled like crazy. This really was a hilarious idea. Who better to prank the Doctor than... the Doctor? Their TARDIS made the same vworp vworp that she had grown so fond of back in the original TARDIS all those years ago, signaling their arrival at the chosen destination. Unlike the original TARDIS, this one did have a fully functional chameleon circuit, allowing them to land undetected on alien worlds. Her Doctor had rather sheepishly admitted that he had known exactly how to fix the chameleon circuit back on his old ship; he just liked the old blue police call box. Now, however, the need for heightened security was a bit more critical with these fragile human bodies. Best not to stand out too much. The ride across the void between the worlds was a bit rocky, but the Doctor and Rose guided their ship safely back to the Earth of Rose's childhood. They set her down by the rift in Cardiff to allow some time for her to adjust.

While their ship was adjusting to the slight differences present in her mother's universe, the Doctor took the opportunity to scan for the location of his old ship. Rose was delighted to be back on her own Earth and wanted to take the opportunity to look around. “Be sure to say hello to Captain Jack if you see him!” the Doctor called after her. She nodded, remembering what Jack had told her about the new Torchwood Three headquarters in Cardiff. She stepped out of the ship and looked around. It felt eerie to be back in her own world after so long. She made a mental note on the appearance of the ship, which had chosen to take the shape of a pink car. Rose chuckled appreciatively at the color choice. Then she turned around and found herself face-to-face with none other than Captain Jack himself. And he was pointing a gun at her. They both gasped in recognition and Jack quickly lowered the gun and returned it to its holster. “Rosie! It's really you, isn't it?” Jack laughed in wonder. “I should've figured when that car appeared out of thin air that the Doctor had finally gotten that chameleon circuit repaired!”

Rose laughed. “Oh Jack, I have no idea really. This isn't the Doctor's TARDIS,” she said, motioning to the pink car. At his look of surprise, she clarified, “At least not the Doctor you're thinking of. It's actually my Doctor's TARDIS... and mine, I suppose.” Jack looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on him.

“Your Doctor,” he teased.

Rose smiled and held out her hand to show off her wedding ring. “My Doctor.”

Jack gasped. “Oh, Rosie, congratulations! I am so happy for you, sweetheart. And where is this Doctor of yours?” he questioned, looking towards the TARDIS.

“He's inside running some scans. C'mon in Jack! He'll be so happy to see you.” Rose motioned for him to step into the car with her. As soon as he crossed the TARDIS threshold, he found himself in a console room not completely unlike the one on the TARDIS he knew. He smiled when he saw Rose's Doctor staring at one of the monitors. He had seen the Time Lord Doctor in his new incarnation and had to admit he missed this face. He had nothing against braces and bow-ties, but the old incarnation had been especially foxy.

“Doctor, look who I found!” Rose announced happily.

Startled from his thoughts, the Doctor looked up from the monitor. He grinned when he saw Jack and quickly moved to hug the man. “Jack! How are you? It's been too long.”

***

After a tour of Rose and the human Doctor's TARDIS (which did not take very long as she was still very young and only had a few rooms off the main console room), the three settled into a couple sofas in the library to share stories of their adventures over tea and jammy dodgers. Rose and the Doctor told Jack about their life together in “Pete's World”, about growing the baby TARDIS, exploring civilizations unique to the other universe, and their triumph in crossing the void without damaging the fabric of either world. In turn, Jack regaled them with stories of some of his more unusual encounters with Torchwood. Finally, Jack asked the question he had been wondering all evening. “So does his other self know you're here?” he inquired, motioning to the Doctor.

The two broke out into devilish grins. Rose giggled. “Well...not yet, no,” the Doctor replied. “We kind of had something else in mind.”

“Oh, I can't wait to hear where this is going!” Jack leaned forward, waiting eagerly for one of them to elaborate. Rose giggled again.

“We are going to prank the Doctor.”

Jack raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Oh, I have got to see this.”

“We were sort of hoping you could help, Jack,” Rose explained. “We need all the info we can get on what he's been up to since we left.”

Jack chuckled. “Sure, but I'm warning you... a lot has happened since you left.” Jack filled them in on the Doctor's new regeneration. After getting over her initial shock and incredulity, Rose was near hysterics with laughter as they heard about this new younger looking Doctor with a love for bow-ties and silly hats. Her Doctor looked slightly miffed at her obvious mirth, but admitted that it probably wasn't the worst of his fashion misadventures.

“Oh, we so have to do something with the bow-ties,” Rose declared.

***

Amy, Rory, and The Doctor stumbled back into the TARDIS. The three were covered from head to toe in sticky orange alien goop. “Eww!” Amy laughed, “Rory, you have alien goop hanging from your nose.” Rory just rolled his eyes. “Come on, Centurion, let's get ourselves cleaned up.” Rory's ears perked up at the thought of a nice steaming hot shower with his wife.

“I'll just meet you guys back here in awhile,” the Doctor said as he excused himself from the room. It was unclear whether or not his companions heard him, as they were already snogging each other senseless. They seemed to have temporarily forgotten their orange slime-covered state. The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Newlyweds,” he muttered to himself as he made his way back to his bedroom.

After thoroughly scrubbing the mess from his body, the Doctor stepped out of the shower. Observing the orange goo-covered clothes on the floor and deciding that they weren't worth the effort to attempt to salvage, he tossed them in the waste bin and made his way into his bedroom. He opened his wardrobe to pick out some new clothes. He grabbed a new tweed jacket, button-down shirt, a pair of trousers, socks and pants. Last, he went to his tie rack. “What?!”

A few hours later, Amy and Rory emerged from their bedroom and made their way back to the console room. The Doctor was facing away from them when they entered. “So, where to next, Doctor?” Amy inquired. He spun around. Amy and Rory burst out laughing. The oncoming glare they were met with only made their laughter grow louder until it echoed throughout the console room. Gasping for air, Amy finally managed to ask, “Doctor, what in the name of sanity is that on your neck?!” The Doctor harrumphed and replied, “It's a bow-tie, Amy. Bow-ties are and always will be cool.” He adjusted the hot pink polka-dotted bow-tie around his neck and spun back around to face the monitor.


	3. A Portrait of a Time Lord

The Doctor, Rose, and Jack stumbled back into their TARDIS laughing like hyenas. It had been way too easy. With Rose's old TARDIS key, they had just let themselves onto the Time Lord's ship. The TARDIS had been delighted to see them again. The joy she expressed was so immense they could actually feel it in the air. Apparently the old girl found their plans amusing as well, as she temporarily moved the doctor's bedroom right next to the console room for ease of access. They had brought with a wonderful selection of bow-ties, all thoroughly ridiculous. Rose's personal favorite was a hot pink polka-dotted one, but the bejeweled one was a close second. The Doctor's choice in bow-ties hadn't made a whole lot of sense to Rose, but he assured her that the Time Lord would get it. One was knit with several hideous bands of orange, brown, gray, and yellow. Another had little celery sticks embroidered on each end. Rose jokingly suggested embroidering pears on another, but quickly backed off when she saw the look of horror on her Doctor's face. Jack, of course, decided on several bow-ties with shockingly suggestive images. Rose suspected those would never see the light of day. After replacing the Time Lord's collection of bow-ties with the ones they picked out, they rushed out to avoid detection. Once safely back inside their own ship, they immediately set about planning their next “evil” scheme.

The Doctor and Amy skipped out of the TARDIS, eager to see how history had documented their latest escapade. Rory and River followed close behind, rolling their eyes at the Doctor and Amy's enthusiasm. The building in front of them was familiar, but the worn and chipped marble pillars reflected the passing of several centuries. It now had a large sign proclaiming “Historical Society of Epsilon Eridani” in large gold lettering. As they climbed the marble steps leading to the entrance, the Doctor was speculating on what kind of exhibit the museum would have to honor their heroic actions, which had brought centuries of peace to the planet. “Ooo...I wonder if they'll have those wax figures? Think about it, how cool would it be to have wax figures of us for visitors to see? I just hope they remembered to include a Fez on mine.”

“Oh yeah, wouldn't want to forget the Fez.” Amy rolled her eyes.

“What? Fezes are cool.”

“Whatever you say, Doctor,” Amy replied with a smirk.

The four reached the museum's entrance and headed for the ticket counter. “We'll take four tickets please,” the Doctor requested as he handed over some coins. He turned back to his companions and said, “Not that we should really have to pay, seeing as the main purpose of the museum is to honor us... but I suppose it's better than having them realize who we are and having to stay for a giant parade or ball or something in our honor. That really would be over the top.” He turned back to the ticket counter. The attendant had clearly overheard him, as she was now looking at him like he was a complete nutter. She wordlessly handed him his tickets and change and called for the next person in line.

“Well, that was rude!” the Doctor exclaimed. “Surely she recognized me from my wax statue... unless it is a really bad likeness. Oh, I hope not. That would be quite disappointing.” None of his companions were really paying attention, as they had already started walking towards the museum's main exhibit. The Doctor had to jog to catch up to the group. They approached the exhibit and were surprised to see that the doctor was actually correct about the wax figures. Behind a thick glass wall, a first scene was set showing River and Rory valiantly holding off the Emperor’s guards with a blaster and sword as the planet's citizens stormed the building. A sign below read “Defenders of the People”. The sign for the next exhibit read “The Courageous Doctor and His Brave Assistant Depose the Evil Emperor”. The four stared at the exhibit, mouths hanging open in complete bewilderment. Next to the wax figure clearly recognizable as Amy was another figure, but it wasn't the Doctor. Amy and Rory were puzzled. The wax figure looked nothing like their Doctor. However, River and the Doctor knew better. “But... but...” the Doctor sputtered, “that makes no sense!”

River laughed. The figure looked nothing like her Doctor, but it was a pretty good likeness of his previous incarnation. Although, she noticed with some amusement, someone had taken a bit of liberty with the musculature of the figure. “Well, sweetie, it looks like history forgot which body you were in. On the plus side, this you isn't nearly as scrawny as in the pictures,” she smirked, motioning towards the wax figure. The Doctor huffed as he stormed out of the building.

From the view screen inside their well-disguised TARDIS, Jack, Rose,and the human Doctor fell on the floor with laughter. By the time they had calmed enough to return to the view screen, the other Doctor and his companions were gone.


	4. The Curious Case of K-9

Their next prank required a trip to the 51st century for supplies. The human Doctor had a bit of tinkering to do, so Rose and Jack left him to his work. During their travels together, Jack had often spoken fondly of his childhood on the Boeshane Peninsula and Rose begged him to show her around. They spent the day at a beach not far from Jack's childhood home. The waters around the peninsula were a deep turquoise and gentle waves lapped at the shore.

Rose threw her towel and cover-up aside as she ran for the water, turning back just as she reached the edge to give Jack her patented Rose grin, before diving in. The cool water was a welcome contrast to the sun overhead, quenching the stifling heat that had overcome them the moment they stepped out of their TARDIS. The friends swam and splashed in the water all afternoon. It wasn't until the Doctor had finished his tinkering and came out to find them that they finally left the water.

Jack sighed longingly as he paid his final respects to his old home. “Well, I suppose I may make it back here again some day...Guess I'll just have to take the slow path,” he mused. “You know, Rose, I was the first person from here to join the Time Agency. The town threw a giant party.” Rose smiled. “Yeah, back before I got into all kinds of trouble, they used to call me the Face of Boe.”

Rose stopped in her tracks. The Doctor had told her about Jack's future, but it wasn't quite the same as hearing it directly from him. The two men stopped and turned around when they realized Rose was no longer following them.

“Everything alright, Rose?” her Doctor asked softly. He met her eyes and could see the beginning of tears forming. No words were needed to know what she was thinking.

“Yeah... I'm fine. Just getting a little cold is all,” she reassured him, pulling herself together. She grinned. “Now, I believe we have a prank to pull. Allon-sy!” She grabbed the hands of both men and pulled them into the TARDIS.

A little way down the beach, a young boy with thick brown hair and a winning smile watched in awe as three strangers appeared to walk into the side of a palm tree and disappeared. A moment later, he heard a strange vworp vworp sound emanating from the direction of the palm tree. A few seconds later, it faded and the tree was gone. Astounded, the little boy thought, So cool! When I grow up, I want to travel just like that! With that, he skipped back down the beach towards his home.

***

The Doctor backed River into the TARDIS, kissing her the whole way. He pulled the door shut and ran up the console, preparing to send them into the vortex for a bit of... umm... quality time. For once, he remembered to turn off the parking brakes.

River smiled at this and pulled him to her by his braces. She kissed him hard before backing up to sit in the jump seat. However, she was surprised when she tripped over a large object instead. “What in the name of sanity?!” she shouted as she fell backwards, taking the Doctor with her. “Ouch!” she hissed.

“Sorry, Mistress!” came a robotic voice from beneath the heap of their bodies.

“What in the name of sanity?!” the Doctor echoed River's cry as he scrambled back to his feet. He offered River a hand up, which she gratefully accepted. “K-9? Is that my K-9?” he asked in surprise and wonder.

“Yes, sir!” the robot dog replied, “I am your K-9. I have been programmed to assist you, sir.” With that, the robot dog lifted a paw and brought it up to his face.

“K-9, you didn't just salute me, did you?” the Doctor inquired a little sternly.

“Yes, Sir Doctor.”

River's lips twitched in amusement

“Bad Dog! K-9, don't ever do that again,” the Doctor ordered.

“I am sorry, Sir Doctor. I will not salute you again.”

“Good dog, K-9!”

“Thank you, Sir Doctor.”

The Doctor smiled. “River, I'd like to introduce you to an old friend. Say hello to K-9.”

“You can't be serious. A robot dog!” River laughed. Then she thought for a moment, remembering that this was her husband she was talking to. “Oh, dear, you aren't joking are you?”

“River, you're going to hurt K-9's feelings... please say hello,” the Doctor begged.

“Oh, alright.” River crouched down and laid a hand on the dog's metal head, “Hello, K-9, pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Pleased to meet you as well, Mistress. Although, you should know that I am a robotic dog and do not have feelings.”

“He's just being modest,” the Doctor replied. River chuckled.

“Sir Doctor, what kind of adventure do you have planned?” K-9 inquired.

“Yes, Sir Doctor, exactly what kind of adventure do you have planned?” River teased.

The Doctor blushed. Ignoring the question, he asked the dog, “K-9, why do you keep calling me sir? You used to call me Master?”

“Sir Doctor is your title,” K-9 responded. The dog sounded almost indignant.

River laughed, remembering the research she had done into Queen Victoria's founding of the Torchwood Institute.

“K-9, we are NOT amused,” the Doctor responded. This just made River laugh harder, although that may have been the Doctor's intention.

“I am sorry, Master.”

“That's better. Good dog,” the Doctor praised.

“Master?”

“Yes, K-9?”

“Can we please go on an adventure now? I'm bored.”

“Not now, K-9. River and I have some...stuff...to do first.”

River raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Master.”

“Good dog.”

The Doctor held out his hand to River. “Coming, dear?”

“Oh, not yet, but soon I hope,” she replied huskily. He turned quickly so that she wouldn't see him blushing and pulled River down the corridor.

“Allons-y!” K-9 exclaimed as he happily followed the pair down the corridor, wagging his metal tail.

The Doctor and River stopped in their tracks. “K-9, what are you doing?”

“Following you and the Mistress,” the dog replied, tail still wagging.

“K-9, under absolutely no circumstances, I repeat NO CIRCUMSTANCES, are you to leave the console room. Do you understand?”

The tail stopped wagging. “Yes, Master.”

“Even if you hear screaming,” the Doctor added.

“Yes, Master.” The dog turned around and headed back to the console room.

***

Several hours later, River and the Doctor emerged from the corridor. River gasped as she entered the console room. Their were small bits of torn up paper everywhere. And a suspiciously yellow-looking liquid covered a section of the floor. K-9 was turning in circles, scattering the paper everywhere about him.

“K-9! What have you done?” the Doctor bellowed.

“He's gone completely insane!” River shouted.

“Wild and crazy dog!” the Doctor shouted back.

“Wild K-9... Wild K-9,” the robotic dog sang. “Maybe I'm a really a wolf! Wild wolf...Wild wolf..”

“Yeah, a VERY BAD WOLF!” River yelled over the chaos.

The Doctor stared at her in horror.

***

Back in their own TARDIS, the human Doctor, Jack and Rose howled with laughter at that last bit. “Oh, my God, Doctor, that went even better than I hoped!” Rose grinned. It was unclear whether her husband heard her, though, over the sound of the men's thunderous jubilation.


	5. Pears and Prejudice

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!”

Yes, that would be the sound of an eleven hundred year old Time Lord shrieking like a little girl.

“Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllppppppppp! AMY!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

...and calling for his mother (-in-law).

Amy and Rory rushed out of the corridor and collided with a VERY PANICKED Time Lord.

“Doctor, what is it?” The brave Centurion shouted, holding his sword at the ready. His wife stood courageously at his side.

“THE KITCHEN! THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN!” The Time Lord waved his arms frantically in the direction of the kitchen.

“How many are there? And what are they?!” Amy shouted, preparing for the worst.

“HUNDREDS! AMY, HUNDREDS! MAYBE EVEN THOUSANDS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!”

“What exactly do you mean by 'hundreds', Doctor?” Amy asked, using her fingers to make air quotes. “Hundreds of what?”

“THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU AMY! HUNDREDS OF...”

 

Gasp!

 

“...PEARS!”

 

The horror.

 

“Oh no Doctor! The great pear invasion! What we will ever do?” Amy teased. She gave the Time Lord a comforting pat on the back to calm him down. Rory rolled his eyes, calmly walked into the kitchen to confirm that the only 'emergency' was a basket full of pears sitting on the kitchen table, and went back to bed. Amy finally managed to calm the Doctor down. She led him into the library and settled him into a chair by the fire with a nice warm blanket. She came back a few minutes later with a tray of fish fingers and custard. After making sure that the Time Lord was okay, she returned to the kitchen and emptied the offending pears into the trash. Reconsidering that decision, she pulled the basket of pears from the trash bin, brought them up to the console room, and proceeded to launch the offending fruit into the vortex. Then, she returned to bed.

***

Jack and Rose were rolling on the floor with laughter. The human Doctor sat in the pilot seat with his arms crossed, looking thoroughly miffed. “That was going way overboard,” he declared to the laughing pair. This, of course, just made them laugh even harder. “I'm serious. I want it on the record that I had no part in this horrible, awful, horrifically, evil scheme. Honestly, I could expect such behavior out of Jack. But Rose, seriously? I never knew you had it in you to be so cruel.”

“Oh, don't worry love. They were fake,” Rose assured him. Her Doctor relaxed a little at this.

She turned to Jack and whispered, “Not!”


	6. A Brief History of Time (Lords)

The Doctor and Jack were busy making some TARDIS repairs, so Rose wandered into the library in search of entertainment. They had stopped off in a few star systems since their return to stock the TARDIS library with books from this universe. The Doctor was relieved to find copies of several important works on the physics of time and space, including a few texts from Gallifrey that had survived the Time War. Rose had developed quite of love of history and couldn't believe her luck when she came across one particular manuscript. She pulled the worn and wrinkled text from it's hiding place under a sofa cushion. She was beyond delighted by this particular find, being pretty sure that only a few copies at most would have ever existed. She had liberated this copy from a 51st century university library, but reasoned that she was more entitled to it anyway, given that the subject of the book was her dearly beloved husband... well, close enough.

Rose grinned at the book's cover. Instead of the standard brown binding, the author had chosen a deep blue leather — TARDIS blue, to be precise. Rose had to admit that she was almost as curious about the author as she was about the contents. There was probably no one else in existence who could understand the complexity of her life as well as this woman. Rose had to giggle. He had married an archeologist... But he laughed at archeologists! This woman must really be something, she thought with a slight pang of something she firmly denied was jealousy. Rose was a better woman than that. She was really happy that he had someone. He may have abandoned her on a beach in a parallel world, but she knew he did it out of love. If he could do that for her, she could be happy that he was also not alone. She ran a finger over the gold emblazoned lettering on the cover - “In Search of a Good Man: A Collection of Biographical Accounts on the Lives of the Doctor”. The author was listed as River Song, Ph.D., Luna University. Rose opened the book and began reading.

Several hours later, Rose felt a hand slip around her and lips met her neck to pepper it with small kisses. Rose gasped in surprise. She hadn't heard him come in. Quickly, she moved to stuff the book back between the couch cushions, afraid he would be upset if he saw it. However, he was faster. He quickly swiped it from her grasp and made a small “aha!” of triumph at his success. “And what is my lovely wife so afraid of me seeing? Perhaps a trashy romance novel?” he gloatingly suggested with a smirk. Rose blushed. He flipped the book over, convinced he had caught her in the middle of reading something steamy. His eyes widen in surprise and his mouth formed a small “oh.” Rose started babbling an apology, but stopped abruptly when his facial expression changed. The corners of his mouth teased up into a small grin and his eyes sparkled with mischief. “Oh, Rose, this is brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!” His lips smacked the top of her head with a kiss before he hopped over the sofa to join her.

“It is?” she questioned hesitantly.

“Oh, yes! Perfect!”

“So you're not angry?”

“No. Why would I be angry?”

“Well, I jus' was worried ya might think I was spying or somefin.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Rose, we're married. I'd never hide anything from you,” he softly reassured her, taking her hand in his.

“Okay, then... but do ya wanna explain ta me why exactly 'm so 'brilliant'?” she asked, poking her tongue out the corner of her mouth with a smirk.

“Oh, Rose, this is perfect for our next prank! You, my love, are a genius!” With that, he bounced out of the room like Tigger on caffeine, taking the book with him.

Rose sighed and then grinned. Good thing she made copies!

***

The Doctor shuffled into the library. He was so very, very bored. Amy and Rory were sleeping and wouldn't wake for at least another three hours. River had insisted on returning to Storm Cage. So here he was... alone and bored. Definitely a dangerous combination in a thousand year-old Time Lord. This is exactly why he kept companions around. They were supposed to keep him occupied, so he didn't have time to puzzle over things like the seven thousand five hundred and twenty-six ways he could destroy the universe in a minute or less or the significance of that thing River said last week. After quizzing her for well over an hour and running a full diagnostic on K-9, he was pretty sure that it was just a coincidence... but an odd one, to be sure. Now he was bored again and mulling over the possible meaning of it. He felt a gentle nudge from the TARDIS. She was gently reassuring him that everything was just fine, but he was still quite grumpy with her. He couldn't believe that she had just locked him out of the console room... and right in the middle of repairs too! He felt her in his mind again, reminding him that absolutely none of his so-called repairs were in the least actually necessary and that she was quite tired of being poked and prodded, thank you very much. He sighed and sent an apology to the ship for his tinkering. He was just so bored. Soothingly, she made clear that he was forgiven and suggested he read a book instead. Out of nowhere, a blue book with gold lettering appeared on the small reading table next to him. He picked it up and grinned at the cover. It was River's doctoral thesis. He thanked his clever ship, who had always made a point of hiding it from him before now. He felt her chuckle in response.

He opened the book to the table of contents. Like an impatient child, he decided to skip ahead to the end first. He opened the book to the chapter on his current self, wondering what his wife had decided to include of their adventures. He immediately noticed that certain sections were blacked out. Spoilers, he figured. The TARDIS must be protecting the time-lines. He started reading.

The first section he read detailed the events surrounding his regeneration. Off to one side, a note was written into the margin in perfect Gallifreyan. The note translated, “Wow! You never could keep a body for long, could you?”

Indignantly, the Doctor huffed, “Of course I can! I happened to love that body. Brilliant body, that was! Definitely my prettiest. I just decided that saving Wilf was a bit more important!”

(From inside the other TARDIS, the human Doctor double-checked that they were in fact recording this. They were.)

He read a little further and found another note. “Seriously, why didn't you just disable the chamber's automatic system bypass feature and reset the triple switch locking mechanism? Would have taken less than a minute and you could have saved yourself and Wilf from the radiation. Although, that would not have seemed nearly as self-sacrificing.”

The Doctor puzzled over this. Why hadn't he thought of that idea? Of course, it's not like he had a whole lot of time to think. Surely, he would have thought of that if he hadn't had a clock ticking down on him and Wilf. Wouldn't he? Yes, he was sure that given enough time, the idea would have occurred to him. “But there was no time!” the Doctor shouted out loud in frustration to no one in particular.

The Doctor read further. When he came to the section describing his first few meetings with Amelia, he read yet another note in the margins. This one was written in curly, feminine English. “Lol! Seriously? Twelve years off... Some things never change.”

The Doctor pouted. “I had just regenerated! Give me a break!”

He read through the rest of the section on defeating the Atraxi. At the end, he found another note written in Gallifreyan. “So, really, you didn't actually do anything. You just used the reputation of your past selves to terrify them. So clever! (Not really. Seriously. Kind of boring, in fact. Getting your hand lopped off in a sword fight was so much cooler.)”

The Doctor huffed and threw down the book. He was going right back to Storm Cage to get River and demand she explain why she had married him if he was really so unimpressive like she was implying in her notes. He stormed out of the library, but found that the TARDIS had locked him inside. He felt the TARDIS rolling over with laughter inside his mind. “Did you do this?!” he demanded to know. In response, she just laughed and suggested that perhaps he'll think twice before taking out his boredom on her again. She laughed at him a little longer. Then a nice cuppa appeared on the reading stand. She wasn't really upset with him after all. Just having some fun. He sat back down in the chair and had his tea, but not before shoving the book in a back corner of the library where no one was ever likely to see it.


	7. The Girl with the Bleach-Blonde Hair

The Doctor snorted. “Good heavens, Rose! That smells worse than a Slitheen trapped in a cupboard! What is that?”

Rose giggled. “Doctor, if we're gonna to pull this off, I need ta use the stuff w' bleach.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “I know, I know....I just don't understand how you could have ever used that stuff. It's dreadful!” He checked his hair in the en suite's mirror. “Yep,” he said, popping the p, “almost done.” He stepped into the shower to rinse off. “I'm singin' in the rain! Just singin' in the rain! What a glorious feelin'! I'm happy again!” he sang through the water.

Rose chuckled. Hearing this, he poked his head out from behind the curtain. “What? Not a fan of Gene Kelley?” he frowned.

Rose smiled, the tip of her tongue poking from the corner of her mouth. “Love 'im, actually. It's your singing I'm not so sure about,” she teased. He stuck out his tongue at her before disappearing behind the shower curtain again.

***

A little while later, the couple appeared in the console room. Jack looked the two of them up and down before whistling and giving an obnoxiously loud cat call. “Woohoo! You two look gorgeous!” he exclaimed.

Rose gave a small curtsy as thank you and smiled up at the Doctor. “You look so young!” she gushed. He grinned and ran his hand through his newly dyed hair. A moment later, he frowned.

“I thought you like the salt and pepper look,” he pouted.

Rose laughed. “Of course I do! It makes you look distinguished...but this look is good too. Reminds me of when you first became this you.”

At this answer, the Doctor grinned again and wagged his eyebrows. “I am rather foxy, aren't I?”

Rose rolled her eyes, “Yeah, and so modest too.”

“Oi!” the Doctor replied.

“Right, so how do I look anyway?” Rose wondered nervously, running her fingers through her now bleach-blonde hair and chewing on her bottom lip.

“Perfecto! You, my dear, don't look a day over twenty,” the Doctor exclaimed. Frowning, he reflected, “Of course, now I'll look like a dirty old man if I kiss you.”

Jack chuckled, “Doctor, you ARE a dirty old man.”

“You're both dirty old men!” Rose giggled at the two handsome gentlemen in front of her.

The Doctor glared at the two of them, which only led to further laughter.

***

It was a glorious Saturday morning. The Doctor took River out for a lovely picnic in New Hyde Park, just across from the Luna University campus. She was practically glowing as she delicately sipped on her glass of champagne and shared a quiet moment with her Doctor. For once, they both seemed relaxed and at peace with the world. Her Doctor stood and offered her his hand. She happily placed her own hand in his and together the two walked down the small path leading to the duck pond. As they reached the edge of the pond, the Doctor froze.

“What is it, my love?” River inquired in confusion. She followed his gaze. Across the pond, a couple was sitting on a park bench. The young bleach-blonde girl had wrapped her arms around an middle-aged gentlemen in a suit. The two were snogging like they required each other for air. River chuckled, “Ah, young love. I remember when we were like that.” She turned to her husband, surprised to see that his jaw had fallen open.

“What the devil!?” he cried. “I never did that! I'd remember that!” He stormed towards the couple, forgetting that the duck pond lay between their spot on the park bench and where he was standing. Too late, he realized his mistake, tripped over a log and splashed into the pond. Several ducks fluttered their wings and quacked at him in anger. He turned, hoping to catch sight of the young couple once again. They were gone.

River, meanwhile, was speechless. No, wait, she was laughing. Hard. Very hard. Oh, that was too funny. Way too funny. Her husband sputtered as he slowly got to his feet, shaking a finger at her. “River, you could be helping me,” he scolded. She couldn't help it. She could barely stand up straight herself she was laughing so hard. Suddenly, she found that he had grabbed her arm and pulled her into the pond with him. She gasped as the cold dirty water splashed over her and her shoes filled with muck. Oh, that man was going to pay. No way was she telling him what she saw now.

“See, not so funny after all, is it Song?” he playfully grouched.

She flicked a piece of seaweed at him and pulled herself from the water. “No, my love, I would say it was extremely funny. Only, maybe not for you,” she responded. “Why did you go running towards the water anyway?” she asked, already knowing the answer but not about to let on.

“I saw them, River! I saw them!”

River looked at him like he had gone completely mad. “I think you've gone completely mad, my love. What in the name of sanity did you supposedly see?”

“It was him! And Rose! The Doctor and Rose!”

“Okay, love, you ARE the Doctor. You still know that, right?” she teased.

“Yes, yes, of course, but this was the other me. The HUMAN me!”

“Doctor, are you talking about that couple that was snogging on the park bench a few minutes ago?”

“Yes! Yes! You must've seen them too!”

“Love, that couldn't have been Rose and the other Doctor.”

“Well, why not? I mean, yes, they would have had to cross universes...which is impossible, but...”

“Dear, that girl is a student in my class. Her name is Alyssa. I've even met her parents before,” River lied.

“Oh.”

River sighed. “My poor Doctor, going a bit wonky in your old age, aren't you?”

The Doctor huffed. “I am not! I swear, they looked just like Rose and the old me.”

“Sure, sweetie, whatever you say.”

The two headed back to the TARDIS, which the Doctor had parked just outside River's apartment across the street.

“Why don't you get changed while I make us a nice cuppa,” River suggested. The Doctor nodded his head and left the console room. Once River had made sure he was gone, she pulled the scanner results up on the view screen. Yes, another TARDIS, just as she suspected. Oh, this was hilarious. Now she wanted in on the fun.


	8. River Runs Through It

“Ouch!” Rose's Doctor yelped as a small shock shot out from beneath the console. He shook the injured hand off before returning to work. “That wasn't very nice,” he scolded the TARDIS. She retorted telepathically with a large “wrong way” sign in front of the wire he had been about to pull. “Well, I'm sorry, old girl, but I don't exactly know my way around in here anymore what with all the redecorating and such,” he apologized. “Although, I gotta say I like the new look. It's very sexy.” He waggled his eyebrows. The TARDIS hummed happily in response, indicating her acceptance of his apology.

From above the console, Rose rolled her eyes. “Are you almost done down there?!” she shouted before returning to the book she was reading.

“Nearly!” The Doctor shouted back. “It's a bit hard when he just up and changes everything like this,” he muttered.

Rose snorted. “You're tellin' me!”

This time the Doctor was the one to roll his eyes.

About twenty minutes later, the Doctor finally poked his head up from beneath the console. “Done!” he announced with a wide grin.

Rose sighed happily and put away her book. “Finally,” she teased.

The Doctor held out his hand. “Shall we, my dear?” But before Rose had time to respond, another voice echoed through the room.

“Hello, sweetie!”

The Doctor and Rose froze. Uh-oh!

The Doctor spun around to find none other than Professor River Song herself smirking at him from across the console. “Hello River,” the Doctor greeted with false confidence. “Umm, didn't expect to find you here.”

“Oh, but I'm so glad you have... Sweetie.” She gave him a sultry smile and licked her lips.

The Doctor gulped. Rose watched the whole situation play out with something bordering between amusement and horror.

“Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?” River purred, taking a few steps closer to the Doctor.

“Ummm...right. Rose, this is River. River this is Rose,” he stuttered. “So glad you met, but really now isn't such a great time, River. Still very early in our timeline, if you hadn't noticed. Really, I'm sure you would be much happier with an older version of me,” he squeaked as River continued to approach, resting a hand against his cheek.

The Doctor fell silent as River quietly studied his face. “Amazing!” she suddenly exclaimed, causing both the Doctor and Rose to jump in surprise.

“What's amazing?” the Doctor inquired in confusion.

“You,” River smiled.

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow by way of a question.

River's eyes shimmered in wonder. “You're so much like him. I mean, he told me, but I guess I just never realized...”

“Wait! So you know who I am then?” the Doctor interrupted quite rudely.

Breaking out of her somewhat emotional reflection, River smirked. “Of course! Not everyday one gets to meet the only other part-TimeLord, part-human in existence. Rather fascinating, especially when said individual is also a metacrisis clone of one's own husband. Oh, and it really is lovely to meet you too, Rose. I've heard so much about you,” River gushed, holding out her hand for Rose to shake.

The metacrisis Doctor stood by the console looking completely stunned. His jaw had dropped open in shock. After shaking River's hand, Rose turned to her husband and immediately noticed his expression. “Doctor, are you alright?” she asked.

He was silent for a moment, attempting to collect his thoughts. “River, did I hear you correctly? Did you just say “only other part-Time Lord”? Because that's impossible.”

River laughed. “You know, you really do need to stop using that word. And, yes, that is exactly what I said. I'm part Time Lord.”

“But, but.... how?” he sputtered. Rose now looked equally shocked.

“Well, it's kind of a long story. Perhaps you two would like to sit down and join me. I was just about to break open a bottle of wine....Oh, and don't worry, he won't be back for several hours,” she added.

The Doctor nodded silently and the three made their way to the TARDIS galley.

***

A couple hours later, the three had drank and laughed their way through a few bottles of wine. River filled them in on who her parents were, the unusual circumstances surrounding her conception and how she had surprised the Doctor and her parents with her Time Lord abilities. She left out a lot of the dark parts about being kidnapped and raised by the Silence. Some stories really were better left untold. River did admit to seeing the two pranksters at the park and told them how she had thrown the Doctor off their scent. “And I've been waiting for the two of you to show up again ever since,” she finished.

“Are you going to tell him?” Rose asked, looking slightly concerned.

“And miss out on his completely ridiculous and befuddled response? Heavens, no!” River replied. “No, I was really kind of hoping that I could help,” she offered. “The look on his face after the last few pranks was simply priceless.”

“What did you have in mind?” The Doctor asked.

“Well, I was thinking I could pass you information.”

“Such as?” Rose leaned in conspiratorially.

River grinned wickedly. “Well, just last week he was telling me how much he loves dinosaurs. Practically begged me to come with him... Until I promised to shoot any I saw, that is.”

Rose and the Doctor giggled. “Oh, I think I may have just the thing!” the Doctor exclaimed.

“Yeah, 's just too bad we'll have to wait until this prank 's done!” Rose grinned.

Soon after, the Doctor and Rose quietly left the TARDIS. They were careful to miss a certain Time Lord returning from one of his adventures. Glancing back at the TARDIS, they both stifled fits of giggles as they entered their own ship, which was hidden only a short distance away.

 

***

 

Coming Soon: The Time Lord Doctor returns to the TARDIS to discover something amiss. Rose and the human Doctor update Jack on their meeting with River. They plan their next prank. He he he...


	9. The Comedy of Pteros

The Doctor and Amy talked animatedly about their latest adventure as they trekked back to the TARDIS. Rory, on the other hand, was exhausted and followed a short distance behind the chattering pair. He had spent most of the day formulating and enacting a rather brilliant plan for rescuing his wife and son-in-law from a group of alien traders.

They had stopped off at an alien market to do a little shopping. River had declined to join them on the outing, citing a need to finish grading some papers. Amy had found a delightful alien perfume in an alien market and had asked to Doctor to negotiate its purchase. This would have been a short simple affair if it hadn't been for the Doctor's insistence on speaking the alien language instead of relying on the TARDIS translation circuit. Well, it turned out that the words for “perfume” and “wife” were very similar on this planet (or so the Doctor continued to insist). The alien trader did not take kindly to the Doctor's inquiry into the cost of their luscious wife. However, they may have chosen to overlook the shocking inquiry if it had not been for the Doctor's continued insistence that the five coins he was offering as payment really should be more than sufficient compensation for a wife that really wasn't anything special anyway.

The irate merchant lodged a complaint against the Doctor and his companions, leading to the arrest of the Doctor and Amy. Rory had only narrowly escaped capture himself. Apparently, the local authorities took allegations of slavery rather seriously on this world, as the punishment for attempting to purchase another person was death. After rescuing the pair, Rory was rewarded with a kiss from Amy and promises of further “rewards” once they were back on board the TARDIS. The Doctor just sulked and insisted that he would have sprung them out of prison just fine if Rory hadn't beat him to it.

The companions reached the edge of the clearing where they had parked the TARDIS that morning when Amy suddenly stopped in her tracks, staring ahead in utter dismay. Poor exhausted Rory nearly toppled into her in surprise. The Doctor, who was still busy chattering away, failed to notice that his companions had gone quiet for a few seconds until Amy suddenly burst out laughing. The Doctor spun around in confusion, not understanding what he had said to make Amy laugh. She simply pointed behind him.

He spun back around and sputtered. “Pwwwaaaa! Pwwwaaa! What the Devil?! Who did this?! RIVER!!!!” He stormed into the TARDIS. Amy continued in fits of laughter. Rory stared at the box in front of him. Instead of the usual TARDIS blue, it was now a lovely shade of pinkish rose. The letters above the door which normally read “Police Public Call Box” had changed to “Time Lord Play Pen”. Rory just smiled.

 

******

 

“What took you guys so long?” Jack asked as the couple stepped into the TARDIS. “You were in there for hours.”

“Sorry Jack, but we ran into someone,” the Doctor explained. Jack's eyes widened.

“Not the Doctor,” Rose explained, “but River Song.”

Jack chuckled. “I bet you gave her quite a surprise. But, clearly you made it out okay. Did she point a gun at you?”

Rose laughed, “Oh no, actually, she was waiting for us.”

Jack laughed again, “Should have figured.”

“Actually, she offered to help us on our little mission,” the Doctor informed Jack with a smirk.

“Oh did she now? And how does she intend to do that?” Jack asked with amusement playing across his features.

“Well, she said he has been begging her to go see some dinosaurs. 'M not so sure how were gonna pull off anything involving that though. They're kinda big and scary,” Rose answered.

Jack's eyes twinkled. “I think you guys better take me home,” he laughed, “because I have the perfect thing.”

 

*****

 

“That's a pteranodon.” the Doctor stated.

“Yes, she is,” Jack proudly replied.

Rose watched the large beast wafting through the air overhead with awe.

“Jack, you do know that pteranodons are not dinosaurs? Dinosaurs don't fly,” the Doctor informed him.

“Oh, close enough,” Rose answered for him. “This is perfect!”

 

*****

 

The Doctor walked back to the TARDIS with a heavy heart. He had just dropped Amy, Rory, and River off in London and he was already feeling lonely. He considered the possibility of jumping forward a couple weeks to pick River up, but he knew she'd figure out that he had just skipped ahead and he didn't want to appear desperate. He snapped his fingers and the door to the TARDIS, which had now been restored to it's rightful blue color, snapped open. He stepped inside and immediately stopped. A large grin spread over his face. In front of him stood a gigantic pterodactyl. He was both excited and puzzled by its presence on his ship. He moved closer. The animal had a collar around its neck and something red hanging from its beak. Carefully, he stepped a few feet closer. The animal regarded him cautiously, but made no effort to move.

“Hey, what've you got there?” the Doctor asked. (No, not in Pteranodon. Pteranodons don't talk.) The animal turned its head to the side, giving the Doctor a better view its beak.

“YOU PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW! BAD PTERANODON! BAD!” the Doctor shouted at the creature.

It flapped its wings in response, but maintained a firm grip on the item in its beak.

“GIVE ME THAT RIGHT NOW!” he demanded as he took a few steps forward and grabbed the other end of the object. The sudden action caused the pteranodon to drop the red object and soar into the air. It rounded the console in anxious circles.

The Doctor looked down at the object in his hands. His beautiful red fez was totally ruined, complete with pterodactyl mucus. He sighed in defeat. He really did need to find a better hiding place.


	10. Pranks and Punishment

Last Time:

The Doctor looked down at the object in his hands. His beautiful red fez was totally ruined, complete with pterodactyl mucus. He sighed in defeat. He really did need to find a better hiding place.

And Now:

The Torchwood team had gathered round Jack in the common area. The group reacted with a mixture of chuckles and eye-rolling to Jack's tales of the antics that he and his dear friends had pulled on the poor unsuspecting Time Lord. Due to a particularly thunderous round of laughter, no one heard the secret lift door open from the sidewalk above.

“Glad to see that I provide such great entertainment,” came a booming voice from the lift. Silence fell upon the team as the turned to see a tall lanky man in a tweed jacket and bow-tie hop off of the lift, a deep frown painted across his boyish face. Jack grinned.

“Doc, what brings you out here to our neck of the woods?” Jack inquired innocently.

The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out a dog collar. He tossed it to Jack. “Next time you want to play a practical joke on me, Jack, I suggest you get rid of the evidence of your guilt first.” Jack inspected the collar. The shiny tag was still intact, he was happy to see. He was a little concerned that Myfanwy might decide to eat her new collar before the Doc had a chance to read it. The tag proclaimed:

 

Myfanwy  
If found, please return to:  
Captain Jack Harkness  
Torchwood Cardiff

 

“Aww, Doc, you know you loved it. Besides, I had on good authority that you were just dying to see some dinosaurs.”

“Yes, I suspected River might have had something to do with it.” The Doctor's eyes gleamed with mischief.

Gwen interrupted the exchange to inquire, “Where is Myfanwy now? She is okay, isn't she?”

“Oh yes, yes,” the Doctor reassured her. “River is busy feeding her my bow-tie and hat collection as we speak. She seems to have a particular fondness for Stetsons.”

“Did she try covering them in barbeque sauce first? Myfanwy really loves that,” Jack chuckled. “She went right for the barbequed fez.”

“Yeah, so I noticed,” the Doctor stated wryly. Then he brightened. “Also, it works wonders for classical conditioning!” he cheered. The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the ceiling. Myfanwy swooped down through the trap door as the sonic whirred and lit up. The whirring noise shifted slightly in pitch as the Doctor changed the setting. Myfanwy gracefully landed next to the couch where Jack had laid his trench coat and proceeded to vomit up several bedraggled bow-ties all over the beloved coat.

In horror, Jack cried, “My coat!” The remainder of the Torchwood team tried to keep their snickers at bay from their shocked leader. He shot them all a warning look.

“Well, now, I'd best be going. Think of this as a lesson, Jack Harkness. Do not mess with the Oncoming Storm,” the Doctor smiled pleasantly as he stepped back on to the lift.

Jack stood speechless, still staring in horror at his poor coat and the mutinous pterodactyl. He simply nodded in acknowledgment.

*****

The Doctor returned to his TARDIS to find River at the console. She smiled brightly when she saw him enter. The Doctor did his best to glare at her.

“Whatever is the matter, sweetie?” she inquired, attempting to school her features to a look of innocence. She did not succeed.

“Oh, I think you know, River Song.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” she smirked.

“Hmm...I think you do. I think someone has been a very bad girl,” he said sternly.

“Really? ...And does this person need to be punished?” River flirted.

“Oh, definitely.”

*****

Rose cuddled up next to her Doctor under the soft duvet. She inhaled deeply, savoring the scent of cinnamon and allspice. His arm curled around her protectively in his sleep and she slowly drifted off as well.

“Goodnight, my Doctor,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, my Rose,” came the sleepy reply.

The steady hum of the TARDIS reassured the happy couple that all was as it should be.

Several hours later, Rose awoke to a drop of cool water on her face. First it was just one.

 

Plop!

 

Then another.

 

Plop! Plop!

 

Still half asleep, she furrowed her brow in confusion.

 

Plop! Plop! Plop!

 

CRACK!

 

The Doctor flew out of bed.

 

“What!?”

 

CRACK! CRACK!

 

“What!?”

 

Rose jumped out of bed as well. The sound of thunder and lightening echoed through the TARDIS, booming as it bounced off the coral interior.

“Doctor! What's going on?!” Rose cried. At that exact moment, torrents of rain began pouring from the ceiling.

“I dunno, but I'm going to find out!” he called as he raced out of their bedroom in his pinstriped pajamas. He nearly slipped as he skidded into the console room. Water splashed around him. Small bolts of electricity shot out from the console, lighting the room in an eerie glow as it sparked and crackled. He felt a hand his shoulder and turned slightly to see Rose standing behind him, clad in her now soaked pink bunny jim-jams and shivering from the cold.

He grabbed her hand. “Run!”

The pair shot past the console and made it to the door just as another CRACK! of lightening issued forth from the console. The Doctor flung open the door and shoved Rose and himself through.

He had landed them the night before on a deserted sandy beach.

In their rush to leave the monsooning TARDIS, he failed to realize that they were no longer on said beach.

They both gasped as they looked around and realized where they actually were.

They had left the TARDIS console room and stepped into.... the TARDIS console room.

The two tired time-travelers stood stunned and sopping wet, staring at the smirking Time Lord before them.

He straightened and adjusted his bow-tie.

“You're dripping on my glass floor,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“What did you do to our TARDIS?!” the dripping Doctor demanded to know.

“Hello, Rose Tyler,” the bow-tie and tweed clad Doctor greeted, ignoring the other Doctor. He strode past the console until he was standing directly in front of her. He peered down at the dripping girl with a bemused expression upon his face.

Rose was too stunned for words. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no words came out.

The Doctor took the opportunity to lean down and pull her into a breath-taking snog. When he felt her knees begin to give out, he slowly released her. He grinned like a mischievous school boy at the irate other Doctor and River Song, who had entered the room just in time to witness this kiss.

“YOU NEVER MESS WITH THE DOCTOR,” he bellowed, “unless you would like to experience the full wrath of the ONCOMING STORM!” With that, he cackled like a mad man...A mad man in his blue box.


End file.
